Dr. Ruth’s last words
How can you not love Dr. Ruth? Ruth Westheimer, the sex therapist and cultural icon who passed away in July at age 96, left a beautiful legacy: She taught generations of Americans that their sexual needs and desires were perfectly normal, and to find joy in physical intimacy. In her later years she was laser-focused on the importance of less-sexual ways for humans to connect; she worked to battle the epidemic of loneliness, particularly during the pandemic.
Before she died she wrote a lovely book on the topic, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life, with Allison Gilbert and Pierre Lehu, out on September 3. Westheimer notes that she had known profound loneliness, particularly when she was moved to an orphanage in Switzerland after losing her German family in the Holocaust. “Above all, I’m longing for a friend,” she wrote in her diary as a child.
Likely because of that experience, she put the highest value on building and maintaining authentic friendships, says Gilbert, 54, a journalist who grew extremely close to Westheimer while working on the book. “She poured energy and interest into her friendships because she knew that [they] could be just as fulfilling and satisfying as familial relationships,” Gilbert adds. “That’s one takeaway that I will have for the rest of my life, to really not take friendships for granted.… Meet with [friends] as much as you can in person. And when you do, put down your phone and give them 100 percent of your attention.”
Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: W. W. Norton & Company; Harper; Ballantine Books; Getty Images)
More for book lovers at AARP
- AARP’s The Girlfriend Book Club’s September selection is Sandwich by Catherine Newman (June 18), a story centered around a middle-aged woman on a beach vacation with her husband and young-adult children while wrestling with growing older, parenting and an awareness of her own parents’ aging. The Girlfriend’s editor in chief, Shelley Emling, calls it “so relatable and very funny,” as well as “a moving reminder that life is nothing but coping with constant change.” Join Emling for a live discussion with Newman on Sept. 17 at 7:30 p.m. ET. It’s free, but you need to be a member of The Girlfriend Book Club, a private Facebook group, to watch. It’s easy to join.
- AARP has a new list of some fantastic short reads (250 pages or less) that you can finish in a weekend — great for book clubs with members who claim not to have time for thicker books. And if you’re not in a book club, we have some advice on how to start your own.
- Bestselling author Jodi Picoult released her latest novel, By Any Other Name , last week. It’s the story of two female playwrights — one in the modern day, the other in Shakespeare’s era — who both struggle with how best to make their voices heard. AARP Members Edition interviewed Picoult, 58, about the writing life, how she stays fit (swimming a mile a day!) and more.
- Debra Whitman, AARP’s chief public policy officer and an expert on aging issues, has a new book, The Second Fifty: Answers to the 7 Big Question of Midlife and Beyond (Sept. 10). The questions: How long will I live? Will I be healthy? Will I lose my memory? How long will I work? Will I have enough money? Where will I live? How will I die? She offers practical steps for addressing these questions and optimizing your second half of life. Read an excerpt, where she discusses memory loss and how to lower your risk of cognitive decline as you age.
Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: Melcher Media Inc)
Balm for worrywarts
“When life serves up great agony – when we’re hit with unimaginable crisis – how do we meet the moment? … How do we process the panic?”
So asks Victoria Jackson, 69, the cosmetics entrepreneur known for her line of Victoria Jackson Cosmetics, in We All Worry, Now What? (Sept. 3). Her book details the boatload of anxiety-inducing experiences she’s had since her early birth at 28 weeks (“I came out of the womb anxious,” she writes), including being attacked by the infamous Pillowcase Rapist in her California bedroom at age 17.
The book is meant to help fellow worriers identify the triggers that make them spiral, and find ways to slow the spinning. Her personal story is interspersed with advice from famous friends like Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda.
You may have heard some of her anxiety-busting tips before — using grounding techniques to bring yourself into the present moment when you start to panic; surrounding yourself with a supportive tribe of people — but Jackson, “a recovering Nervous Nellie,” presents them with appealing frankness and warmth.
Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: Insight Editions; Liveright)
Just for fun: Unique knitting books
OK, of all the who-would-ever-buy-that books I get pitched every day, this one stands out: All You Knit Is Love: The Official Beatles Knitting Book by Caroline Smith (Sept. 3), a crafty writer who lives on England’s Isle of Wight. It raises the inevitable question: Does anyone need to knit a “Hard Days Night” cardigan sweater that’s half dark blue with a crescent moon, half white with a yellow sun? A “Day Tripper” knit bag, with the name of the song in white on a bright-red background? Yes, I’d argue, yes, someone does. Just not me, a novice knitter (these designs are not easy).
Another unlikely knitting book comes out in November: a new edition of the 1994 cult classic Knitting with Dog Hair: A Woof-to-Warp Guide to Making Hats, Sweaters, Mittens, & Much More by Kendall Crolius. The new edition, also by Crolius, is subtitled Better a Sweater From a Dog You Know and Love Than From a Sheep You’ll Never Meet. Crolius, who lives in Chautauqua, New York, “has been spinning yarn from her pets’ hair and knitting clothes with it for most of her life,” according to her publicist. Here she explains how to harvest, clean, store, spin and knit with your pup’s hair. But why stop with dogs? As the book notes, “the possibilities for cat hair are endless, too.”
More From AARP
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How to Start a Book Club
Whether you’re looking to read more or simply be in good company, here’s our guide to making it a success